Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
