??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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