if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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