I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
