I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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