Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
