I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
