The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
