You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she smelled like a LAN party
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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