please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
