yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
