smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
