broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
