No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
