1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
FUCK WHALES
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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