also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
