I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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