Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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