Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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