and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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