Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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