We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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