ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Need sex. Gaining weight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
