like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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