Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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