just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
