; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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