we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
