shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can't turn off my feet"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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