He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
