Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
