He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
