Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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