Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
