Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
