Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just cut my nipple shaving
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
