We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
