Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your shirt... Was in my pants
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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