How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
