After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
