Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
