and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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