My liver just broke up with me...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
