All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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