Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I love having hate sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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