Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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