Four minutes until I can fart!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
