To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
