Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
