Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
