This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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