Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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