Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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